K Hates Opening Day in Japan

8:05 AM,

On a Tuesday,

In Minneapolis, MN.

It’s March 25^th, and the snow on the ground is very visible. I, as I usually do, head into my living room, and turn on the flatscreen before I start work. It’s a Tuesday; a boring, normal Tuesday in Minneapolis. I turn on ESPN2 to hear my third favorite morning “radio but actually on TV” personalities, Mike & Mike. Again, it’s a boring, normal Tuesday in Minneapolis.

This is not a normal morning, however. In the stead of Greenie and Golic in the morning on ESPN2, I find what seems to be an exhibition game, in HD, between the Boston Red Sox and the Oakland Athletics. It’s in the 10^th inning, it’s tied, and the announcers still care.

The questions start flowing out of my head:

• Why would someone still care about a 10^th inning game on a Tuesday morning?
• Why is Big Papi still in the game? And why is Houston Street pitching to him?
• Why the hell is Houston Street INTENTIONALLY WALKING BIG PAPI ON A BORING, NORMAL TUESDAY MORNING IN MINNEAPOLIS?
  

My realization arrives about a second before some anger that this is not an exhibition game. This is not a drill. This is Opening Day. Wait, wait, wait, this is Opening Day? This is the REAL Major League Baseball Opening Day? No way.

Where’s the bunting? Where are the flags? Where’s the President throwing out the first pitch in Cincinnati? Where’s the full-team introduction? Where’s that old lady with the fourty-five Cubs pins on her hat? Where’s that 3^rd grader skipping school to go have a catch and a dog with Dad down at the ballyard? Where’s that feeling in the morning of waking up, regardless of your age, and knowing there’s a chance, if only for today, that your team could win the World Series? WHERE IS MY OPENING DAY?

Oh wait, it’s in the Tokyo Dome. The Tokyo Dome, in Tokyo, JAPAN!!! There’s no Wrigley Field ivy, there’s no Green Monster, there’s no Yankee Stadium, there’s no parade in Cincinnati. There are people dancing all over the field like it’s the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Opening Day is in Tokyo! This explains why I’m watching the 10^th inning at 8 AM, but I feel no better.

Call me an overzealous American, jingoistic, whatever. I am not familiar with Japanese culture or much of their baseball, so I will not pass judgment on that. What I am familiar with is Opening Day, and this was not it. Maybe I’m not as pissed about this game being a “real” game as I am about the fact that the first game of the season is not in America. Think about it, tradition is what carries baseball in America – peanuts and cracker jack, let’s play two, amphetamines in the coffee, that fat bald dude singing God Bless America EVERY GAME in the Bronx. Without traditions, baseball is not America’s Pastime, and the biggest tradition is Opening Day.

I love how the few Japanese baseball players I've seen play the game; the professionals who’ve come to the bigs have played the game with an emphasis on fundamentals and “the little things” that other Major League players routinely forget (e.g. Emil Brown in the 10^th inning getting in a rundown already in scoring position, hence costing the A’s a win – IN A REAL GAME!!!). American baseball players could take a lesson from the Japanese, and we’d have a better game.

Maybe this isn't so bad. Alright, fine, ESPN. You can have Opening Day in Japan. It was actually a nice ending to the game, as the A’s strung together two hits after Brown was taken down in a pickle, but his bonehead move killed the chance for a tie, and the Sawks win 6-5. Papelbon gets a scary save after Street blows one and takes the loss. Simple to say, it was a tough start for closers. Baseball is back, my fantasy team is set; I’m ready for this to start. This boring, normal Tuesday morning in Minneapolis is Opening Day, I think.

But then (THEN!!!), ESPN had the balls to play me a commercial about the joys of the real Opening Day, which is not, allegedly, until next Sunday Night. “These two words – the hope of a new season… Play Ball. Opening Day next Sunday Night and Monday on ESPN and ESPN2.”

Which is it? Kiss. My. Ass.

Oh, well.

It’s still a boring, normal Tuesday morning in Minneapolis, and I just missed Opening Day. Or did I?