Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Janelle hates the people who work for IPASS

So, all this time, I've been quietly reading these blog posts and thinking, "those things sure are terrible, is there anything that I really hate?" no... surely not. And then it hit me in the Jewel bread aisle ten minutes into my shopping trip. Why has no one written about the IPASS people? I knew when the sickeningly sweet voice of an overly cheerful woman came over the loudspeaker, "Attention Jewel Shoppers , Have you recently received a warning or ticket from your IPASS account? Don't fret! You may be able to sort everything out" that there must be more people than me who are ready to go postal on the IPASS system's lack of foresight to make the system work. Don't fret my ass.
Notice that I don't hate IPASS. The idea of cruising right through the fast lane without pausing to frantically scramble for change is awesome. I love that I don't have to pay for every other out of town driver clogging up the lanes and causing pot holes. But someone seriously didn't think the IPASS through. Last November (four months into my marital bliss), I get a ticket for $1,500 from IPASS with a picture of my car: there was no mistaking my "official harp transport vehicle" bumper sticker. Freaking out aside, I calmly called the IPASS hotline thinking "what did I do? Did I hit a construction worker or something?!" FORTY-FIVE minutes later (FORTY-FIVE minutes of that sickeningly sweet voice announcing that I could take care of paying fines online when I really didn't want to pay $1500 online without knowing what I did first). I was finally able to talk to someone. They explained that someone had been using my car and driving through a lot of tolls. This was a joke right? I had clearly driven my car every day since the honeymoon... I explained that that could not be the case. I finally realized with the person on the phone that even though I had remembered to change my license and address and car registration and car insurance, and passport, and harp insurance, and student loans, and bank accounts, and business cards, and (you get the picture), I had forgotten to change the name on my IPASS to my new married name and they charged me a fine every time I went through. Alright. My mistake. They reversed the fines and all was well. This sounds like no reason to hate right?
May 6th, 2008: My mother calls me absolutely infuriated. It is her birthday. Shit. What did I do? She informed me that she had received a ticket for $3,200 from IPASS!! (complete with official harp transport vehicle bumper sticker). I tell her about my previous IPASS situation and all is patched. She later calls... all is not patched.
After holding for two hours, the man on the phone told her that even though the ticket was in her name, he could not take care of anything because the IPASS is now in my name and he needs both of us. She reminds him that when the "offences were committed," (IN 2006-2007, two years ago!), the car was in her name. Apparently that doesn't matter. So, I spent ANOTHER TWO HOURS on the phone with my mother and my husband and my father on mother's day when we were all together trying to take care of the stupidest thing I had ever heard of. Would anyone really be dumb enough to try to get away with driving through the IPASS lane for two years and think that they wouldn't get ticketed? And why did it take them two years to wrack up all of my tolls and then decide my IPASS wasn't valid? (It was valid and it was linked to my credit card for replenishment). For two years worth of tolls, the phone representative had to confirm each one and then get his supervisor to sign off on it. There has to be a better way!! If I was as rich as Dees, I probably would have just given them the $3200 in frustration.
While on the phone for two hours, my family got to know "Mike" the customer representative who helped us with IPASS. We learned all about the private company of IPASS (and you thought the money went primarily toward the roads.. HA! have you seen those pot holes? and why isn't the construction going to get finished this year??) We learned that Mike loves his job because he "doesn't have to do anything." Those were his words!!!! IPASS, seriously you need to get some people who do something besides waste my time and send out the most threatening, heart-stopping tickets. I won't be surprised if I get another $8000 ticket because my tolls were paid for Karen Jansen, and Janelle Jansen, and Janelle Jansen Lake, but not for Janelle Lake. Father's Day is coming up, perhaps this year, our family can get to know another IPASS representative.

1 comment:

Mikey K said...

"don't fret my ass"

hahahahahahaha! love it.

there's really only two words that need to describe this situation:

"government employee"