Monday, June 23, 2008

Candice hates Starbucks cups



So, Starbucks is supposed to be good for one thing, right? Drinks, particularly of the coffee variety. So you think they would have figured out by now that their coffee cups absolutely stink to holy hell and can singlehandedly ruin a morning, afternoon or entire day.

If your specialty is coffee, can it really be so hard to design a freakin' coffee cup that doesn't drip around the rim and ruin whatever shirt/pants you're wearing that day? Coffee stains and the persistent smell of coffee on your clothes are obnoxious. Yet every day it's a crapshoot about whether or not little drops of coffee will decide to sneak out of the recycled-paper cup and into the plastic Solo rim. Once the drip path has been created, there is no way to stem it, either. That cup of coffee will continue to drip all over the recycled-paper sleeve, your hand, and probably your cup holder and clothes with reckless abandon. Your day is ruined.

If your cup decides not to do the drippy thing, however, it still has other ways to get you. Most notably is the inane hole in the top of the cup (that's not where you drink out of) that is guaranteed to allow drops of coffee to come spurting out the top, probably scalding your hands but also resting around the upper rim of the cup for the duration of your coffee experience. It seems to serve no functional purpose, unless that functional purpose is to burn my hand and piss me off.

On the other hand (haha), Starbucks' competitiors in the coffee business, namely Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds, have brilliantly designed cups that include just one opening on the top (for sipping, obviously), and a sturdy, resealable flippy lid to prevent spillage (especially in cars). These cups are strokes of genius and guarantee a positive coffee-going experience, especially if that experience is supplemented by an Egg McMuffin with Sausage. Drool...

To the Starbucks executive out there who spilled coffee on his/her clothes today as a result of the drippy cup, maybe you should check out that persistent stain on your pants as a subtle reminder of your company's lack of understanding of a basic concept. Oh, and your breakfast items suck as badly as your stock price. Bam!!!

2 comments:

Mikey K said...

Nice. Get a sweet travel mug. Or go to Caribou, one more thing that rules about the Great White North.

When I spill coffee on myself, I just consider it part of the purpose of coffee, which is to wake me up. But oh yea, I work in my underwear!

Kevin said...

So this past Sunday I flew home from Florida, stopped to pick up a coffee from Starbucks. (Not that expensive sweet stuff, pure coffee.) Had a case of the drips from the bottom of the cup. Got stains right around my left nipple, and directly center of my crotch.

Once on said plane. The seatback in front of me is broken, and reclined all the way into my lap. The 15 year old kid played his Nintendo DS reclined with his head in my coffee stained lap. Luckily, I had a leaky coffee cup and managed to purposefully stain the shit outta his white sweatshirt hanging through the crack.

Take that, dip shit.

-Friend of Mikey K