Thursday, April 17, 2008

Candice hates people who take the elevator up or down one floor instead of taking the stairs

You know who you are. You get into a crowded elevator, especially during the morning rush, and you boldly (with no sense of shame whatsoever), press "2". The next closest floor that has been pushed is 5, but you don't seem to care. You get in, maybe push a person or two out of the way with your arms full of a Starbucks triple vanilla latte with whipped cream and one of their terrible bread/pastry items, and then either push the button yourself or have the audacity to ask someone to do it for you. You arms are full, so therefore your legs aren't functional either, apparently.

Everyone else on the elevator is cursing you every second the elevator takes to get to 2, open the doors, pause, then close the doors as excruciatingly slowly as possible. You get off and go on your merry way, blissfully unaware of the hatred that's teeming inside the elevator as it continues its journey upwards. They all hope you burn yourself on your latte and choke on that apple fritter.

Then, then, fifteen minutes later you decide to go back downstairs to the lobby to get some snacks... maybe a bag of Combos because you're feeling adventurous. You get back on that elevator and there are 3 people inside. They glare at the back of your head with that same intense hatred as you get on and don't press something farther down, something like B1 or B2. That would be the only case in which this situation would be acceptable, but you just whistle happily while watching the elevator lights switch from 2 to L and get off.

The part that kills me most is the people that decide to take the stairs when going up or down 1-2 flights of stairs are the people that are most in shape - the ones that probably need the extra exercise the least. It's the Combos-munching, latte-drinking, oblivious monkeys that I hate the most. The stairs are right next to the elevators! In case of fire take the stairs? Pshaw, you are probably the type to hide under your desk and hope it's just a drill, just so you don't have to walk down that one flight of stairs (and God forbid, the return trip back up). One of these days, it's not just going to be burnt popcorn in the microwave... and then you'll be in trouble. Come to think of it, you're probably that person that keeps burning the popcorn to begin with.

6 comments:

Cy said...

Ugh, Combos... I think a good way to judge people is by their snack choices, and from my vast lifetime of experience I've learned that people who eat Combos are shitty, shitty people. The exact type of people that are too self important to take the stairs.

I bet the Abu Ghraib prison guards ate Combos.

Jon said...

mmmmm Pizza Combos

Cy said...

Thanks for proving my point Jon.

Candice said...

Yeah... the prison guards ate Combos, and then took the elevator up and down one floor.

Brian said...

This elevator issue is a HUGE problem at my school. The elevators are slow to begin with and it makes it EASILY faster to walk up 5 flights of stairs than to take the elevator that will stop at EVERY floor EVERY time. What kills me are the people that attempt to justify themselves by saying they only take the elevator going UP one floor but would always take the stairs going DOWN. Admittedly walking down is easier. But these people are generally the fat ones anyway that can't see their feet and will probably trip going down their one flight. I guess if they break their neck it would be the end of the problem... damn i am so bored sitting in class...

Mikey K said...

skippy, if anyone ever has to justify taking the elevator, it's probably fair game to punch them in the face. they know they're wrong, they're just a dusty old bag of stuff.